Marriage

[chiisai_hana]

QUOTE (REYOMA @ Jun 22 2009, 10:17 AM) For a woman it's having someone around to control and buy stuff for her and for a man it's a bit hard cause in the marraige his always wrong no matter what the argument or discussion is about lol ... marriage ain't or everyone haha thast y half the ppl in da world is getting divorced !
Rather than deleting the post for its lack of support, I'd like you to expand on that view. Because it's incredibly narrow-minded and biased in my opinion - you're assuming all marriages fit the same cookie-cutter mold and they don't. For example, what about situations where the wife makes more money than the husband? Who is buying who "stuff" then?

The best marriages, from what I've seen, are the ones where the spouses care about equality and share everything. It's a partnership, and needs to be for the economic stability of the household. What you've depicted is, in my opinion, an example of the marriages that don't function properly.

 

[franzoir]

QUOTE (monsta666 @ Jul 21 2008, 03:58 PM) If people love each other enough can incestuous marriages even be considered?
Lol i didnt even see this part of the question first time round.

We are at the point in liberalism, that even incestuous relationships can be considered. All it would take is for one incestuous couple to justify their argument and set a precedence in a court of law. Once that happens alot of people will claim the same argument. Like euthanasia.

Governments pussyfoot around the issue and claim the moral highground by saying its for the prevention of down syndrome children. However, while this will by them some time without having to truly engage with the issues, goverments will in future have to choose whether incestual relationship is right or wrong.

I cant say whether incestual relationships are right or wrong. I believe fundamentally there will alway be a part of me that says it is wrong and even evil. But because of liberalism i cant help but think i feel this way because of my own prejudice values.

 

[EggBeast]

I've got to say, I'm becoming less and less a fan of marriage. Now, I admit that I may be subject only to the most extreme examples, living in Utah and everything, but from my former experience in the Mormon church, my experience at college, and my experience from my own family, I have no reason to think that marriage is anything special whatsoever.

I mention the Mormon church, of course, because it preaches that getting married is the only way you can make it to heaven (actually, to the "Celestial Kingdom", which is code for "Super-Heaven"). They put tremendous pressure on teens and young adults to get married as soon as they are able, and if you don't, you're basically a failure. One of my friends at college met some sorority girl. They were engaged 6 DAYS later. My roommates (although probably not the biggest ladies-men) would always talk about how afraid they were of finishing up college without getting married first. Of course they HAVE to get married, they need to get married while they're still in their early 20s, and if they leave college, it will become almost impossible to get married that soon. And so many old friends getting married straight out of high school... stuck living with their parents... oi.

My eldest sister got caught in the same trap. She got married at the age of 21, to a complete fiend who had just turned 20. She's admitted that the only reason she went through with the marriage was the pressure she felt to get married as soon as possible. All her friends were already married or engaged, at at 21, she was starting to feel like she was getting too old to be single. Yup, 21 years old... and now it turns out that her husband was nowhere close to being ready for a marriage. He started off as an asshole, but 6 years and 2 kids later, it turns out that he's a cheating asshole as well.

All this religious, societal pressure for people to get married; this rampant idea that marriage is essential for expressing true love and devotion, it's incredibly destructive. Hell, my dad's been with the same girl for some 5 years now (they just celebrated their anniversary), and they hardly breath the word "marriage". They're still going strong. Don't get me wrong, I think marriage is just fine, but all this pressure for it, this idea that marriage is the only way to truly be happy; that's evil.

Holy crap, I have to do a product demo in 7 hours. I need some sleep. X_X Goodnight FTV.

 

[samthebear]

i believe i've written a whole rant post about this topic in my blog but i guess i'll just summarise:

The Don'ts:
- dont get married unless you know what you're getting into (marriage aint no bed of roses)
- dont get married if you've got ridiculous notions of 'happily-ever-after' in your head
- dont get married if you arent past the age of 25 (no seriously - some people will feel the urge to gripe at me "Oh people are mature depending on personality, circumstances BLAH BLAH BLAH" honestly, if thats what you think - good for you. but me? i dont give a toss what you say; maturity levels differ from person to person - that i will conceed but you cant seriously make a decision like marriage if you dont even know what you want to do with your life. or indeed, what you will do if your plan of what you want to do with your life fails as it so often does.)
- dont get married if you think you can depend on your partner forever and ever and not contribute a thing.
- dont get married just because everyone else is. (would you jump off the empire state building if everyone else is? i think not.)
- dont get married because someone else is telling you to.

The Do's:
- Do get married if you know that you'll be happy with the person you intend to marry.
- Do get married if you're willing to put in hard work to make a marriage work (marriages last long after the wedding - it lasts after the glow of the honeymoon period fades and it lasts long after the kids have grown up and moved out of town to go to some interstate uni. be in it for the long haul.)
- Do get married if you know exactly why you're getting married. Is the answer to the 'why' a good enough reason to get married?

And lastly,
Always ask, "Why do i love this person?" because if you cant answer that very simple question that relationship will not last a marriage. The quality of your answer will also indicate your current feelings towards that person.*

*disclaimer: i'm no psycologist so use that piece of advice with some common sense. and i'm not liable for any relationship failure should you decided to use this piece of advice my mum gave to me.

 

[Yanosuke]

Just giving some opinions from someone who is stepping into a marriage in a matter of months.

first off, i don't think there's anything bad about a wedding other than the wrong reasons. one of those being an "arranged" marriage solely for the purpose of getting a greencard or even citizenship (which is very common in the US) or getting married just because people say it looks better to be married when living together or other various reasons that in my eyes are the wrong reason.

The main reason why i'm getting married, is because i dearly love my fiancee and would like to make our relationship official. how more official can it be than a marriage?
In my case, this has added bonuses. I live in the netherlands, my fiancee in New York. There's various ways of getting legal resident status in Amerca. On of them is the so called K1 fiance visa. meaning you can arrange your foreign fiance/fiancee to come to America for the reason of getting married and being able to live together. That would be my bonus as it's also the "fastest" way of being able to be together. faster still meaning a process of over a year from filing date to to getting legal resident status.

Also, now that we are having our first child, i think that (in my opinion) it's also good to be married. For starters, if you choose this when getting married, you will all have the same last name making things easier and at the same time it's also a sign of really wanting to be with someone.

Overall, i think marriage(given the right reason) is a beautiful thing that shouldn't be talked bad about should defiinitely not be taken lightly.

Being that i'm engaged and only steps away of marriage itself, i don't mind responding to questions about it as i do have a pretty good idea as what i think a marriage should be like